I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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