ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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