dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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