Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
