lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I wish I could teleport
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
The best revenge is premature balding
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just invented taco cereal.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
