Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Randomize