I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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