We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I am one with the molecules
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
