I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize