Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize