u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
