just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
