apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize