my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
