I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
