Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
