walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I wish there were birth control emojis
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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