Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
