i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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