So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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