I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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