oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
my nose is crying tears of wow.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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