fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
