Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
