Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
