Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
