I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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