Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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