I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize