I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
