What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
