I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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