but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
