I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
