You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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