Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize