I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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