dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
