she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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