we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
