Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize