it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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