The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize