I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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