I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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