I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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