Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize