u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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