Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
