I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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