why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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