everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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