Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
