we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
