we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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