Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
