Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
