I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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