Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
