dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She told me I should be a condom model.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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