remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
