I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
tell me about the eggs
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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