Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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