so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
you will always have a special place in my vag
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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