Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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