yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
