You just made me feel so damn special
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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