so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
