how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize